The last day of 2009!
I have been missing for quite some time due to work n work n unnecessary stress! Well, hope things will be good ahead! Indeed Christmas was good! Received surprise n funny surprises! HW took effort to change things… and I hope things will turn to better ones.
Sis came back not almost a month ady and I only spent very minimal time with her and my family due to work AGAIN! But I did manage to bring family for a good dinner which I told myself I must do it every month! My sis will be going back to spore again…. So I need to talk to the wall again! It’s just so different when there is additional ppl in the house…. I wish I could have an older sister too! At least, I have fewer burdens!
There is much to think when it comes to yr end! And I have this habit of reading my astrology end of the yr and see what these Master have to say about 2010 life and wealth!
So next yr… everything so so only. Special reminder about my financial AGAIN!! I even have a wish list and dreaming of getting a new car…. My dream car….. well, jst wait and see… see if I could save then buy it!
So folks, happie new year… all de best and best wishes to 2010!! Cheers!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Hie to my own wall.... I've not been updating any news bout myself. I was busy with the weddings and my new job. Some r great and some isn't that fun. New job so far so good, and I have tough time to cope everything at once since I was malfunction for a year.... so, I need to add oil to pick up myself n be on par in the industry I am working now.
October was a disastrous month,however it actually can be prevented if I want to, but I chose to proceed. Many times, even when I was in a relationship... ppl commented I am too nice/kind to others and these ppl tend to take me for granted and at the end there is no appreciation. What took me to write this out here is because during the month of Oct, many incident happened and at the end of the day, I asked myself... do I feel happy? the answer, NO! WHY... coz I was not appreciated. I don't expect anything in return but at least....at least, put some effort to show some appreciation. It is not about the success or failure of the outcome but it is more of effort that counts! Again, frens asked "after all u have done and sacrificed, do they sincerely thank u and appreciate u?" I kept quiet for a while coz I don't know the answer too... honestly, I don't feel it. My kindness became gossips, and the mistakes became humiliating. There was no space or second chance for improvement... but critics. So, I guess I am putting a full stop and learn to say NO (which I always fail to do so)
It's "early Christmas gift"
I always thought that there will be no miracle happen from HW, there goes my 1st surprise from him. It was totally an unexpected gift coz we had few communication breakdown earlier. I don't know how to share tis piece of love with the rest coz its bout me and him only... no one else would understand and feel it! Hmmmmm and I really do look forward for a good christmas!
October was a disastrous month,however it actually can be prevented if I want to, but I chose to proceed. Many times, even when I was in a relationship... ppl commented I am too nice/kind to others and these ppl tend to take me for granted and at the end there is no appreciation. What took me to write this out here is because during the month of Oct, many incident happened and at the end of the day, I asked myself... do I feel happy? the answer, NO! WHY... coz I was not appreciated. I don't expect anything in return but at least....at least, put some effort to show some appreciation. It is not about the success or failure of the outcome but it is more of effort that counts! Again, frens asked "after all u have done and sacrificed, do they sincerely thank u and appreciate u?" I kept quiet for a while coz I don't know the answer too... honestly, I don't feel it. My kindness became gossips, and the mistakes became humiliating. There was no space or second chance for improvement... but critics. So, I guess I am putting a full stop and learn to say NO (which I always fail to do so)
It's "early Christmas gift"
I always thought that there will be no miracle happen from HW, there goes my 1st surprise from him. It was totally an unexpected gift coz we had few communication breakdown earlier. I don't know how to share tis piece of love with the rest coz its bout me and him only... no one else would understand and feel it! Hmmmmm and I really do look forward for a good christmas!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Mr & Mrs Lau's Wedding
Finally it has all come to an end.... my task is done and I am free! Yeah, D & C's wedding! It took few months in process to think and figure out the whole gimmick, I would it is not easy when I came out the idea and getting other people to do it. The overall rating for the nite event would be 75% success only. I am proud to say that it was a good one but of course I can't ignore those weaknesses behind. Some people criticized and some complimented us (me and sean). Well, the mistake we did was the very details of the CHINESE PANTANG stuffs! But I have to say that I can't favor everyone there, most important is our groom and bride are fine with the outcome. One example is the gimmick we did and I used a blue scarf (matches my navy blue cheongsam)and ppl said that the colour is or funeral. So, it was a lesson to learn. lol! well, now I noted the weaknesses and I will improve from there. I starting to like this job! hopefully more to come.... lol!! I need to thank my partner in crime sean to make this wedding reception a success also.
You know what, I do realized that men always will be more outstanding than women in emcee career.... and my target is to be one of the women to success in this path. :P
Finally it has all come to an end.... my task is done and I am free! Yeah, D & C's wedding! It took few months in process to think and figure out the whole gimmick, I would it is not easy when I came out the idea and getting other people to do it. The overall rating for the nite event would be 75% success only. I am proud to say that it was a good one but of course I can't ignore those weaknesses behind. Some people criticized and some complimented us (me and sean). Well, the mistake we did was the very details of the CHINESE PANTANG stuffs! But I have to say that I can't favor everyone there, most important is our groom and bride are fine with the outcome. One example is the gimmick we did and I used a blue scarf (matches my navy blue cheongsam)and ppl said that the colour is or funeral. So, it was a lesson to learn. lol! well, now I noted the weaknesses and I will improve from there. I starting to like this job! hopefully more to come.... lol!! I need to thank my partner in crime sean to make this wedding reception a success also.
You know what, I do realized that men always will be more outstanding than women in emcee career.... and my target is to be one of the women to success in this path. :P
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
It has been few weeks since the robbery incident, honestly I can't lie that I am still traumatized with the incident. Some frens asked how is he so dumb to show where he actually stays... come to think about it, I guess I can't even promise that I wont do the same thing like him. No one to blame but things are just so unlucky... and what surprised me now is his brother (the victim) is shifting himself to stay at hostel. He did not inform my family member at all, I found out when I saw a car parked at my house. I asked him if that is his fren and he opened the door and said... yeah, coz I am shifting out. I felt sad... coz I feel it is more because of this incident and his brother forced him to stay hostel. He told us that his brother did proposed he want to move out and his brother could stay, but at last the younger brother decided to move out. Hmmmm... I really pity for this guy. He is a quiet and obedient guy. Very straight forward and honest... u ask him few times ... he will tell everything... sigh! wish him all the best...
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
No more smiles
Ever since the robbery, I never sleep well, eat well and really smile. I always look tension n worried. Every night before I sleep I will do repeated action until I feel ok. I know this is not good and this is not healthy but I can't help it. My parents seems ok, because they don't get to hear many stories like I did. Like my mom, she still ride a bike to many places and this week she got to take care of her bosses' house!! She will never understand how dangerous it is and her life is NOT INSURED if anything happen!!! I advise, I told she never listen. She keeps thinkin of no problem! She never know how crazy an idiot thief could be when they r on drugs! Everything is in my head.... No one to share my worries!
My dad has got listening problem.... so he will not be sensitive with surroundings.and for that I do worry bout him too! Worries he might forget to lock the door, forget to switch off electricity....I don't know how long I could bear such worries. I thought my sister would at least come home and visit my parents. Just bcoz the heels is not at home, she chose not to come back. She never know that mom was blessed by GOD that she is still alive... coz without God's protection I guess she would have no choice to come back either visiting my mom at hospital or unwanted scene....
Ever since the robbery, I never sleep well, eat well and really smile. I always look tension n worried. Every night before I sleep I will do repeated action until I feel ok. I know this is not good and this is not healthy but I can't help it. My parents seems ok, because they don't get to hear many stories like I did. Like my mom, she still ride a bike to many places and this week she got to take care of her bosses' house!! She will never understand how dangerous it is and her life is NOT INSURED if anything happen!!! I advise, I told she never listen. She keeps thinkin of no problem! She never know how crazy an idiot thief could be when they r on drugs! Everything is in my head.... No one to share my worries!
My dad has got listening problem.... so he will not be sensitive with surroundings.and for that I do worry bout him too! Worries he might forget to lock the door, forget to switch off electricity....I don't know how long I could bear such worries. I thought my sister would at least come home and visit my parents. Just bcoz the heels is not at home, she chose not to come back. She never know that mom was blessed by GOD that she is still alive... coz without God's protection I guess she would have no choice to come back either visiting my mom at hospital or unwanted scene....
Saturday, September 26, 2009
It has been more than a week since the robbery case, and I am still in worries. Worried doors are not lock, worrying all sorts of unpredictable misfortune agenda! I am so tired but I can't let go this feelings coz it's haunting me without fail... every night!It really kills me.... Imagine I am a bridesmaid for A's wedding and I have one 5cents acne on my face! It's so awful.... everytime when there is any big event, my face will grow acne!sigh~ I don't feel good.... everything! anything....
But then, after staying in A's house for a nite, I feel much better, in fact, they did not lock any doors yet everyone sleep soundly including me (except that the bed is too small for 2 gurls) I've seen many things in a day and I tell myself, only GOD can take my life... not these robbers or any inhumanity criminals. I read in Bible, GOD taught ppl to forgive... and I am learning not to remember it.... hopefully time really helps me to lessen this feelings
But then, after staying in A's house for a nite, I feel much better, in fact, they did not lock any doors yet everyone sleep soundly including me (except that the bed is too small for 2 gurls) I've seen many things in a day and I tell myself, only GOD can take my life... not these robbers or any inhumanity criminals. I read in Bible, GOD taught ppl to forgive... and I am learning not to remember it.... hopefully time really helps me to lessen this feelings
Monday, September 21, 2009
I am alone in my room... again my worries n fear haunting me! It only when it comes to night...and everytime at this kind of moments, I will ask myself...where are those people I always treated them like my buddy! I have no boundaries to help out my frens but when I needed someone the most.... ppl would set their boundaries.... I feel upset that no one is here with me when I need someone to accompany me and to walk through my darkest time.... I am really torn!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Now I know.....
I never rejected to anyone help/needs whom I define as "FRIENDS / BUDDY". But it seems that diff people may have diff type of sharing of love. I've not even overcome my trauma and now I am always alone in room! I wanted to share with my frens or at least they r here for me, but no one cares. Some think I will get over it and it's just small small peanuts. Well, not until the needle poke onto ur own skin...the pain is painless! So, they dun prioritize my feelings. I mean, what r frens for? To be sincerely there when he/she needed a fren the most rite! Apparently, no one is with me now...I am alone. Everyone suggest me to have frens for few days to overcome this... but no one is willing to be with me and to overcome my horrible experience!!! And some worried that they might ask for trouble coz dunno the robbers will come back again o not....
I am always there for any of my frens when they needed a fren... but it seems that there is no thing such as kind hearted! I guess is time for me to redefine my terms of calling ppl FRIENDS!
I never rejected to anyone help/needs whom I define as "FRIENDS / BUDDY". But it seems that diff people may have diff type of sharing of love. I've not even overcome my trauma and now I am always alone in room! I wanted to share with my frens or at least they r here for me, but no one cares. Some think I will get over it and it's just small small peanuts. Well, not until the needle poke onto ur own skin...the pain is painless! So, they dun prioritize my feelings. I mean, what r frens for? To be sincerely there when he/she needed a fren the most rite! Apparently, no one is with me now...I am alone. Everyone suggest me to have frens for few days to overcome this... but no one is willing to be with me and to overcome my horrible experience!!! And some worried that they might ask for trouble coz dunno the robbers will come back again o not....
I am always there for any of my frens when they needed a fren... but it seems that there is no thing such as kind hearted! I guess is time for me to redefine my terms of calling ppl FRIENDS!
Hey everyone,
This is going to a the worst experience I've ever had this in my life. It started like this....
Ah chi (a guy who rented my room) went to Kepong for a drink with frens at station 1 (1230AM). But his frens din turn up on time, so he went to 7-Elevan (quite a distance) to buy reload card. So the moment he stepped into his car, 2 indian guys came forward and block his door and pointed him with a knife! He was told to give all his belongings....he refused. At the same time, his frens called to inform he arrived, so pressed 'answer' and then he shouted for help and that is when the indians got pissed. They dragged Ah chi to backseat (along 2 indians) and suddenly came up another indian as driver. So total were 4 in car. Ah chi was covered with helmet and his head was pushed down.He can't see anything... while his head was down, he was asked whether he has got money in bank and he replied NO. So, the suspects asked where he lived. He was beaten until he got no choice to tell he lived in OLD TOWN (MY HOUSE!!!!). While they were rounding for 3hours before they came to my house, and in between they actually picked up another 2fellas that took drug in the car. So total now is 5indians and ah chi!
At first, they were reluctant to go in coz there were number of cars in my house. They rounded my house few times and checked who are our family members! Ah chi, was in panicked and he told that the house seperated to 2 floors and as for my floor.... it is only my dad, the only man around with his bro..the rest are females! Now, they know who are there in my house, 4men went into the house and 1in car to take care ah chi! The moment ( my hearts starts to shiver again now...) they came up, they actually tried to open our doors but all locked. Finally he manage to open the last room where ah chi and his bro stays. He pointed the parang at his bro ( AH HONG) and asked him to take off his golds while the rest ransacked his room ( they took PC, PSP, money, ATM,IC)then blindfolded him.
After that, Ah hong heard they walked out... so he thought that they are leaving. A while later, they walked in and unfold his eyes and TOLD HIM TO GO NEXT ROOM TO KNOCK THEIR DOORS!!!!! So Ah hong was so scared but no choice coz the parang was on his neck! Ah hong, went to the door (christine's room and she was not asleep yet) and knocked slowly... so she find it strange and quickly call me, I told her I don't know also. I went to the door, try to listen what sound and even look down through the door hole... I saw shadows only. At that time, my doggie was already alert... he barked!
What pissed me was my mom was so smart that she open her door when she heard some noises!!!!! and when she found there were strangers, she quickly slam the door and lock it!!! During that time, one of the indian did try to hold the door with his parangs BUT failed!! my mom shouted to me asked me not to open the door, and my dad jumped up and shouted for help at the balcony!!! and i also shouted for help.... so dragged ah hong down...ran out the door and then threw him aside!!! they drove off the vios and ah chi was still inside!after 1/2 an hour..they called to ask for ATM pin number. Ah hong told them that he don't have any money in that account. so they instructed him to bank in!!! I did called the police..but they took 20min to arrive coz they were having their SAHUR before fasting!!! The inspector took more than 1/2hour to reach!!! Things and investigation was so bloody slow!!! Police told us to hold their time... while they try to detect...and the end they couldn't help much! coz.... ah hong came up the idea to use FriendFrinder (his ex used to check him with that)..we told the police and they dun even know what the heck is FRIEND FINDER!and asked us how we manage to find it! Then around 7am, we can't wait and we bank in the money... RM1300 coz v negotiated it. They let ah chi go... they left him at the mortuary at jln sg besi... we walked to a man and asked for location details... the man told him and he walked out and took a cab back to his restaurant (he's a chef) and woke up his colleagues that stayed in the hostel...
So, my whole day just running around from JPN, hospital and police station!Ah Chi n Ah Hong can't speak english or little bit of malay... So, I have to be their translator 24/7! Until now...I am still so emo... I dunno how to overcome it! So every time I remember Ah chi told them that our family only few of us and only 1 man, I worried they would come again........
This is going to a the worst experience I've ever had this in my life. It started like this....
Ah chi (a guy who rented my room) went to Kepong for a drink with frens at station 1 (1230AM). But his frens din turn up on time, so he went to 7-Elevan (quite a distance) to buy reload card. So the moment he stepped into his car, 2 indian guys came forward and block his door and pointed him with a knife! He was told to give all his belongings....he refused. At the same time, his frens called to inform he arrived, so pressed 'answer' and then he shouted for help and that is when the indians got pissed. They dragged Ah chi to backseat (along 2 indians) and suddenly came up another indian as driver. So total were 4 in car. Ah chi was covered with helmet and his head was pushed down.He can't see anything... while his head was down, he was asked whether he has got money in bank and he replied NO. So, the suspects asked where he lived. He was beaten until he got no choice to tell he lived in OLD TOWN (MY HOUSE!!!!). While they were rounding for 3hours before they came to my house, and in between they actually picked up another 2fellas that took drug in the car. So total now is 5indians and ah chi!
At first, they were reluctant to go in coz there were number of cars in my house. They rounded my house few times and checked who are our family members! Ah chi, was in panicked and he told that the house seperated to 2 floors and as for my floor.... it is only my dad, the only man around with his bro..the rest are females! Now, they know who are there in my house, 4men went into the house and 1in car to take care ah chi! The moment ( my hearts starts to shiver again now...) they came up, they actually tried to open our doors but all locked. Finally he manage to open the last room where ah chi and his bro stays. He pointed the parang at his bro ( AH HONG) and asked him to take off his golds while the rest ransacked his room ( they took PC, PSP, money, ATM,IC)then blindfolded him.
After that, Ah hong heard they walked out... so he thought that they are leaving. A while later, they walked in and unfold his eyes and TOLD HIM TO GO NEXT ROOM TO KNOCK THEIR DOORS!!!!! So Ah hong was so scared but no choice coz the parang was on his neck! Ah hong, went to the door (christine's room and she was not asleep yet) and knocked slowly... so she find it strange and quickly call me, I told her I don't know also. I went to the door, try to listen what sound and even look down through the door hole... I saw shadows only. At that time, my doggie was already alert... he barked!
What pissed me was my mom was so smart that she open her door when she heard some noises!!!!! and when she found there were strangers, she quickly slam the door and lock it!!! During that time, one of the indian did try to hold the door with his parangs BUT failed!! my mom shouted to me asked me not to open the door, and my dad jumped up and shouted for help at the balcony!!! and i also shouted for help.... so dragged ah hong down...ran out the door and then threw him aside!!! they drove off the vios and ah chi was still inside!after 1/2 an hour..they called to ask for ATM pin number. Ah hong told them that he don't have any money in that account. so they instructed him to bank in!!! I did called the police..but they took 20min to arrive coz they were having their SAHUR before fasting!!! The inspector took more than 1/2hour to reach!!! Things and investigation was so bloody slow!!! Police told us to hold their time... while they try to detect...and the end they couldn't help much! coz.... ah hong came up the idea to use FriendFrinder (his ex used to check him with that)..we told the police and they dun even know what the heck is FRIEND FINDER!and asked us how we manage to find it! Then around 7am, we can't wait and we bank in the money... RM1300 coz v negotiated it. They let ah chi go... they left him at the mortuary at jln sg besi... we walked to a man and asked for location details... the man told him and he walked out and took a cab back to his restaurant (he's a chef) and woke up his colleagues that stayed in the hostel...
So, my whole day just running around from JPN, hospital and police station!Ah Chi n Ah Hong can't speak english or little bit of malay... So, I have to be their translator 24/7! Until now...I am still so emo... I dunno how to overcome it! So every time I remember Ah chi told them that our family only few of us and only 1 man, I worried they would come again........
Monday, September 14, 2009
Started 1st day.... in different industry.... so far everything looks good except that I walk more and do more stuffs. colleagues are great, she taught me alot of stuffs although she is only 3months old in that workplace. She brought me to whole building and told me every single procedures and we had lunch together. Lady boss make sure I am taken care of while familiarizing myself to the new environment!! At least I know where I am... what I will be expecting to do... surroundings environment is a bit old but the people are friendly... they won't wait for you to ask but they will approach and say "if you need anything you can ask me.... don't worry bout disturbing although my table a bit messed up" Well, I felt happy and blessed that ppl ere are not self-centered! I am blessed that I have spacious working table too.. well, they r in middle relocating every dept so for time being... me n J r chucked into another level without any supervisory! Owh... we use fingerprints to clock in & out... cool!
well... let's see what's tomorrow... As expected, my responsibility are quite big, cases of complaints are all taken care in a very professional way and I am expected to be tip top for the organization! Workloads .... challenging!!!
well... let's see what's tomorrow... As expected, my responsibility are quite big, cases of complaints are all taken care in a very professional way and I am expected to be tip top for the organization! Workloads .... challenging!!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Life is so dark n disappointing when "they" do not understand and in fact, giving more stress.... I know it's the culture but I have my own world also... I did struggle to live in other ppl's world and including "you all" but it seems I am not fit... I cried when I tried and things was not appreciated. I just hope ...no more stress and love is all around....
Likewise, when I wanna share some new love around... it seems so hard to feel that would happen coz it takes alot of effort and agreement from some side. Some faces that need to be consider and some stress again I need to walk through... I guess. time is all I need and hope for the best.....
Likewise, when I wanna share some new love around... it seems so hard to feel that would happen coz it takes alot of effort and agreement from some side. Some faces that need to be consider and some stress again I need to walk through... I guess. time is all I need and hope for the best.....
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I was very bz the whole week with seb around. I don't know if I should explain how much effort I've contributed,,,, for a guy who is NOT my someone at the first point. But indirectly I declared too he is someone.... he left ady, and everything is on a distance that may not be any stronger... coz human change gradually... same goes to him... I m really curious if distance relationship is really that tough...
He left ady and now I am on with all my pre planned. stuffs!!! went to support droolotte spinning yday and continue to get crazy with sam... both of us really enjoyed ourselves... too bad... her hubby does have restriction on her...sigh...guess i am lone ranger again!! hmmmm.... it seems like my mind is all bout him,....that's serious man! I nvr have such prob LONG LONG TIME!!!! I guess I am in trouble...oh oh!!!
I tender my resignation...FINALLY!!!! 2months and I could start my new life at somewhere new... I really really pray that this is gonna b a good atart! challenges... hmmmm hmmm...more more more!!! the more the better!!
He left ady and now I am on with all my pre planned. stuffs!!! went to support droolotte spinning yday and continue to get crazy with sam... both of us really enjoyed ourselves... too bad... her hubby does have restriction on her...sigh...guess i am lone ranger again!! hmmmm.... it seems like my mind is all bout him,....that's serious man! I nvr have such prob LONG LONG TIME!!!! I guess I am in trouble...oh oh!!!
I tender my resignation...FINALLY!!!! 2months and I could start my new life at somewhere new... I really really pray that this is gonna b a good atart! challenges... hmmmm hmmm...more more more!!! the more the better!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Dad just whack my doggie until he urinated on the floor! My doggie is jst a MinPin (miniature pinscher). He quietly took a vege from my dad's bowl and my sister shouted very loud to my dad that my doggie took it WITHOUT helping my doggie. I was in the room when incident happened, the moment I heard my sis shouted... I know my doggie is gonna b in trouble!!! Coz my sis tone was more like complaining... I seriously angry and upset that my sister did not think of ways to help but to create more trouble. At the end, my dad whack my doggie terribly and mom argued with dad. It was a chaos...my sis walked to the room n continue her dinner!!! I wish she could have b more mature to think bout other ppl and their feelings too. Because of this argument, I got involved and blamed and adding more stress on top of what I am facing & having now!If my parents really decide to give away this doggie I will leave this house coz my doggie is so innocent, he's jst a dog and he won't know that taking food without permission is wrong and even if he knows he is wrong now doesn't mean he won't repeat the same mistake. I really thought that the best place for me to rest is not a good holiday but a good psychiatric.
Friday, June 26, 2009
I just visited my mom from UM, she looked surprise to see me but we did not talk much. She din even care bout my existence. My appearance was just so transparent to her. It even seems she shared our family stuffs with other ppl. She was mad coz I showed moody face when I needed to send her somewhere ( I was very sick, resting at home). I mean she could even ask my sister to accompany her to translate what she wanna say.I know my mom rely much on me, but sometimes I do hope she understands those stress I am undergoing. What hurt most is the words that she used, killing to heart!! I don't care if anyone believe how upset I am now, cause I know GOD clearly can see n feel what I am feeling now. I hope her operation will go smooth and doesn't suffer like the lady beside her.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The climb - no one understands
I was very speechless when my very own sister do not understand my situation and difficulties plus my tiredness to fulfill my promises and responsibility as the oldest in this family. My contribution may not be alot as a fresh grad, but 50% of my salary goes to my family to ease their burden, just because I do not want to see my mom working late, cleaning ppl's house (and CNY ang pow just RM10- even 5yrs of employment) I want her to rest, as my dad... cant blame he don't understand how hard and stress work are now these days. My sis chased me for few hundred ringgit dinner money coz I haven been stepping into the bank for days.The fact, everyday from office I rushed down to Bangsar (for my part time helping) and I am very bz with my important personal settlement stuffs. My only time I have are weekends (half day - evening go tea club work to help) to REALLY REST, but that also occupied by my parents or sometimes frens ( I do need time for frens, I am not anti social person).No matter how broke I am, I never try to show my parents, I try to portray a more positive situation and find my ways to solve my own problem. The real things are my head is mentally dysfunctional. Everyday, I eat I think of my career, I sleep I think bout my career, I walk I think bout my career, and hopefully GOD listens to my prayer to give my parents a better living. For wat my sis did n said... I was upset & disappointed. Chasing for days and keep asking for balance.(RM200 cash for father's day dinner)
If i ever stop writing, it means I am in Tanjung Rambutan!!!
I was very speechless when my very own sister do not understand my situation and difficulties plus my tiredness to fulfill my promises and responsibility as the oldest in this family. My contribution may not be alot as a fresh grad, but 50% of my salary goes to my family to ease their burden, just because I do not want to see my mom working late, cleaning ppl's house (and CNY ang pow just RM10- even 5yrs of employment) I want her to rest, as my dad... cant blame he don't understand how hard and stress work are now these days. My sis chased me for few hundred ringgit dinner money coz I haven been stepping into the bank for days.The fact, everyday from office I rushed down to Bangsar (for my part time helping) and I am very bz with my important personal settlement stuffs. My only time I have are weekends (half day - evening go tea club work to help) to REALLY REST, but that also occupied by my parents or sometimes frens ( I do need time for frens, I am not anti social person).No matter how broke I am, I never try to show my parents, I try to portray a more positive situation and find my ways to solve my own problem. The real things are my head is mentally dysfunctional. Everyday, I eat I think of my career, I sleep I think bout my career, I walk I think bout my career, and hopefully GOD listens to my prayer to give my parents a better living. For wat my sis did n said... I was upset & disappointed. Chasing for days and keep asking for balance.(RM200 cash for father's day dinner)
If i ever stop writing, it means I am in Tanjung Rambutan!!!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
My blog may sounds black or grey.... I have the habit of writing diary since I was a little kid. I am not the kind that share my doubts with ppl (sometimes on small issues), mostly I wrote it in my little book. As I write... I feel better. It is some kind of remedy to me. Most blogs shares happy moments, I share my happy moments in heart. Not stingy or self-centered. That's my distress manner.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
LOST dilemma again
I feel lost again....seems like I can't find myself, find my dream, find my stepping stone point, find the ONE I belong as an icon of myself. I dunno what the heck I am talking about here too. I can't stand any longer for ppl who are two headed snake, asking me WHY all the time for something that should be answer by my own guardian angel but it went opposite way... So sick of this career that leading me to nowhere. I felt so small when being interviewed (what I worked is ZERO knowledge in Corp industry). I am making myself as bz as I can, no time to think of my failure now. Probably it's my problem too, I wanted so much for the bonus and reluctant to leave till I get it.... I don't know how. Honestly, work is work n personal is personal and I hate mixing it but some ppl unintentionally mix up yet can make a proud shout out that he/she acting professionally (all the time)
Living in a Black & White world
My life applied with 2colour, Black & white.... I have more black than white. I am lazy to write now.,.... good nite
I feel lost again....seems like I can't find myself, find my dream, find my stepping stone point, find the ONE I belong as an icon of myself. I dunno what the heck I am talking about here too. I can't stand any longer for ppl who are two headed snake, asking me WHY all the time for something that should be answer by my own guardian angel but it went opposite way... So sick of this career that leading me to nowhere. I felt so small when being interviewed (what I worked is ZERO knowledge in Corp industry). I am making myself as bz as I can, no time to think of my failure now. Probably it's my problem too, I wanted so much for the bonus and reluctant to leave till I get it.... I don't know how. Honestly, work is work n personal is personal and I hate mixing it but some ppl unintentionally mix up yet can make a proud shout out that he/she acting professionally (all the time)
Living in a Black & White world
My life applied with 2colour, Black & white.... I have more black than white. I am lazy to write now.,.... good nite
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Eventually....
Just another weekend. But this week I had I told CN that I would like to help her on her wedding, and so now I am her wedding planner cum emcee. Well, it is my 1st experience to b emcee cause most of the time I will just brainstorm idea...I am nervous and also excited!! and eventually... with all these plannings I am busy now!!!
My Music
I've decided to enrol a new class. very antique feel...I guess no one would believe it is me that plays that instruments... I am putting this as a misery 1st and wait until I be able to perform and I will upload it here... yeay!!
Just another weekend. But this week I had I told CN that I would like to help her on her wedding, and so now I am her wedding planner cum emcee. Well, it is my 1st experience to b emcee cause most of the time I will just brainstorm idea...I am nervous and also excited!! and eventually... with all these plannings I am busy now!!!
My Music
I've decided to enrol a new class. very antique feel...I guess no one would believe it is me that plays that instruments... I am putting this as a misery 1st and wait until I be able to perform and I will upload it here... yeay!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Cruelty & Sincerity of Blessing
Many ppl might think I am difficult person or some may say that I am very cool. Then I have to say that I am actually cruel too. I can be very nice to a person, that I would do anything just to make my special fren happy. Well, not yesterday when I attended JY's bday which suppose to be happy one turned out to be very disappointed but expected incident. I was rushing for bridesmaid dressing measurement and then rush down to JY's party. I have known the someone is gonna tell me that JY is finally attach! Well, not surpprise when JC says" I wanna tell u a good news, they r together!". Well, immediately I gave her my reaction "I expected" then JC wondered and questioned me "don't you feel happy for them?" That's the point!!! Happy for them? Ok, I am gonna be very straight forward here.... I do not simply bless ppl just bcoz the party theme said so, or just bcoz they found each other. Anyone, anyone of my friend I know or knew... I put my blessing when I feel this couple has got extraordinary and it's worth blessing them. Blessing is not an authority from a fren to say I allow you to pak toh with this guy/gurl but it is a moral support SINCERELY from heart that wishes them and hope they could walk their journey together and also for the rest of their life. To make this happen, this doesn't mean, you have good feelings, we can have fun together, we can laugh together, we can talk when we meet etc... it's more than this rather than what I mentioned.
Apparently, I know JY's gf, definitely. But she gave very different impression to me last nite prob bcoz she knows I am not blessin her. My hand got green marked by some fella, she was not bothered but when JC had the same thing happen, she immediately offer some bloody cream and I AM NEXT TO JC ONLY! I was pissed but nvm! Then when came to photoshoot, I love taking picture unknowingly and of course I know there are certain picture are prohibited to be posted up on my FB! But this lady (JY's gf) suddenly spoke to me in canton with sacarstic look "you make sure you don't post this picture up" - I said "I know la... " she said - "you should filter your picture 1st" C'mon am I that dumb? So , I answered " don't worry I filter my pictures (coz she don't) she went "hope you know that too..." without lookin at me! Hey, what's yo problem?! Honestly, I bless thousand times more than anyone do for this "couple!" I think I am not that dumb yet for you to critisize my wisdom. I am pissed, I wanted to walk off that time. But I shouldn't be that narrow minded bcoz it's JY's bigday. I know and understand the word "RESPECT" and talking bout this I don't know well the word of GOLDEN FINGER, BACKSTABBING, PRETENDER, ATTENTION SEEKER, soon I will learn.
I do not know if any related mentioned ppl will read my blog or not, if you do please bare in my that this blog serves the freedom of words. Click the right up cross icon if you hate to read this. Thank you.
Many ppl might think I am difficult person or some may say that I am very cool. Then I have to say that I am actually cruel too. I can be very nice to a person, that I would do anything just to make my special fren happy. Well, not yesterday when I attended JY's bday which suppose to be happy one turned out to be very disappointed but expected incident. I was rushing for bridesmaid dressing measurement and then rush down to JY's party. I have known the someone is gonna tell me that JY is finally attach! Well, not surpprise when JC says" I wanna tell u a good news, they r together!". Well, immediately I gave her my reaction "I expected" then JC wondered and questioned me "don't you feel happy for them?" That's the point!!! Happy for them? Ok, I am gonna be very straight forward here.... I do not simply bless ppl just bcoz the party theme said so, or just bcoz they found each other. Anyone, anyone of my friend I know or knew... I put my blessing when I feel this couple has got extraordinary and it's worth blessing them. Blessing is not an authority from a fren to say I allow you to pak toh with this guy/gurl but it is a moral support SINCERELY from heart that wishes them and hope they could walk their journey together and also for the rest of their life. To make this happen, this doesn't mean, you have good feelings, we can have fun together, we can laugh together, we can talk when we meet etc... it's more than this rather than what I mentioned.
Apparently, I know JY's gf, definitely. But she gave very different impression to me last nite prob bcoz she knows I am not blessin her. My hand got green marked by some fella, she was not bothered but when JC had the same thing happen, she immediately offer some bloody cream and I AM NEXT TO JC ONLY! I was pissed but nvm! Then when came to photoshoot, I love taking picture unknowingly and of course I know there are certain picture are prohibited to be posted up on my FB! But this lady (JY's gf) suddenly spoke to me in canton with sacarstic look "you make sure you don't post this picture up" - I said "I know la... " she said - "you should filter your picture 1st" C'mon am I that dumb? So , I answered " don't worry I filter my pictures (coz she don't) she went "hope you know that too..." without lookin at me! Hey, what's yo problem?! Honestly, I bless thousand times more than anyone do for this "couple!" I think I am not that dumb yet for you to critisize my wisdom. I am pissed, I wanted to walk off that time. But I shouldn't be that narrow minded bcoz it's JY's bigday. I know and understand the word "RESPECT" and talking bout this I don't know well the word of GOLDEN FINGER, BACKSTABBING, PRETENDER, ATTENTION SEEKER, soon I will learn.
I do not know if any related mentioned ppl will read my blog or not, if you do please bare in my that this blog serves the freedom of words. Click the right up cross icon if you hate to read this. Thank you.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I'm not sure if being transparent is good or bad but certainly suffering at times, just like now. I am a person that tell things straight to the point especially to my friends and when I can't I will suffer and keep finding ways to forget bout it. At the end, what the fuck that their live have to do with mine? right? Even as of now, I can see it but I cannot do anything to it and I guess when I speak too much it ppl will hate me for being nosy. Even I don't bless someone who might soon to be as ONE but it's non of my business coz ppl has blossom the chances and soon will give the tix for entrance. Seriously, I did asked myself, what the hell is wrong with me? It's not that I like that guy, why do I care so much? I dunno.... seriously...
What TK said was true, how I do survive in a group which I don't belong at all? Isn't funny? I paused and I thought of it, which is true... but I am happy with those moments but ppl might find I am boring and soon there will be someone appear and I will be fading away... which happening now.... I don't blame but I am sad.... n this disturb me. I don't mean to take things for granted, if I can afford I don't mind paying too.... coz many times I went out with frens I did not pay... not that I don't want but BL will not allow plus their bill.... the total amount cost a month of my expenses. Prob my buddy don't mind, but I think I need to save some dignity for myself.
What TK said was true, how I do survive in a group which I don't belong at all? Isn't funny? I paused and I thought of it, which is true... but I am happy with those moments but ppl might find I am boring and soon there will be someone appear and I will be fading away... which happening now.... I don't blame but I am sad.... n this disturb me. I don't mean to take things for granted, if I can afford I don't mind paying too.... coz many times I went out with frens I did not pay... not that I don't want but BL will not allow plus their bill.... the total amount cost a month of my expenses. Prob my buddy don't mind, but I think I need to save some dignity for myself.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Ms eveningdream traumatization
JY was jokingly came up with a question (which I started off the topic bout marriage). Actually I really really wish this question is so true and it's a real proposal from someone I love. "My mom said is fine to marry you, r u ready?" When I 1st read, I almost got into accident because I did not expect this could be his reply. Of course, he was jokingly in reply to my previous msg. But he did struck me off the whole night and I keep thinking... how I wish this could be true. Movie was moderate (he's just not too into you) and it's bout marriage. It make me thought alot... alot of questiones like... what if I am married, how nice someone could propose. Sounds desperate huh?! Well, after all it's just a dream and sometimes having day dream is something enjoyable. I'm a girl filled with imaginations especially happy things.
Moments Alone
I was in having my dessert in one of the Italian restaurant at the Gardens. The ambiance is always clear and relaxing, moreover the music brought the whole lot of my should NOT think of memories. I sat there for a while before JY and SK drop by. So much memories n thinking. Andrea Bocelli's romantic song, Celine Dion etc.... there goes my mood tonight. Even now.....I am listening to Andrea (but not all track, I still love jazz)
JY was jokingly came up with a question (which I started off the topic bout marriage). Actually I really really wish this question is so true and it's a real proposal from someone I love. "My mom said is fine to marry you, r u ready?" When I 1st read, I almost got into accident because I did not expect this could be his reply. Of course, he was jokingly in reply to my previous msg. But he did struck me off the whole night and I keep thinking... how I wish this could be true. Movie was moderate (he's just not too into you) and it's bout marriage. It make me thought alot... alot of questiones like... what if I am married, how nice someone could propose. Sounds desperate huh?! Well, after all it's just a dream and sometimes having day dream is something enjoyable. I'm a girl filled with imaginations especially happy things.
Moments Alone
I was in having my dessert in one of the Italian restaurant at the Gardens. The ambiance is always clear and relaxing, moreover the music brought the whole lot of my should NOT think of memories. I sat there for a while before JY and SK drop by. So much memories n thinking. Andrea Bocelli's romantic song, Celine Dion etc.... there goes my mood tonight. Even now.....I am listening to Andrea (but not all track, I still love jazz)
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Good Gurl
Have been good gurl for weeks. I know I can't go on with this lifestyle drinking, happy'ing... I mean I do njoy when I don't have to think about tomorrow and of course time pass faster... however, de lifestyle JC is moving is too ridiculous for me to catch up. Sometimes I even told her to mellow herself. I am concerned, honestly, bout her... you may say that I am conservative or whatever, but I just don't want them to suffer from sickness in future or scaring someone off... I wont deny that I did enjoy myself with them. They make me relieve my pains and allow me to see something different in life. I have more more more n more frens also.
Almost There
I went yum cha with JY, and on my way back bout 2.30am I have a sense that I need to be super duper extra careful or else something bad will happen it to me, and yes, my prediction was correct. While I was driving back on the main rain, I saw a bike at the side of the road (indian guy) and he saw I was alone. Then he started his bike... that was the time I keep looking at my back mirror. Immediately I off my headlights n turn to my house, park my car switch off the car. Then I stay in my car for few minutes just to ensure it's safe to get down... n then... I saw the bike with another fella (his fren, i guess) turning at the junction before my house and I could see they were looking around. I was a bit worried. The moment I saw them turning that junction I quickly get down from car (have my house key in hand ady) and rush into my house. Prob I am just paranoid, I don't know... mayb they live somewhere at that road... but no matter how, I think I should be careful since I am out late nite...
Double trip & extra broke
Coming May and July... I'll be going to same country but different city. Bangkok, HERE I COME.... with empty pocket!!!well...well....well... I am looking forward for my May trip coz my passport is expiring very soon (Dec). If I don't travel by now.. bye bye to my passport and wasted my RM500 for it. Yeah, stupid citizenship causes me so much trouble... even in applying passport. This is gonna be a budget trip coz I seriously do not have $ to go andspend like a queen there. But July is an unexpected trip, coz this is sponsored by my mom. I know... she wants me to go so I could keep an eye on my sis!! It's ok... I can have another trip to Khaosan! I guess by that time I only have less than 1k to spend. My Bkk trip budget is 1k only but sadly some of my frens still putting themselves on a priority list- it's not selfish just bout lifestyle matter. I expected a budget backpack style of trip but in the end, it became a normal travelling... it's ok...once in a life time!
Bringing myself on track
I get confirmed last 2week but I don't feel anything positive at all. In fact, I am opening my option to do what hope and wish to do. Even though I have suggested some of the possible changes to improve my job responsibility, however, I could forsee it is more like a hell burden than an opportunity. He is a nice fren(in person)but I can't give compliment over his leadership. I've been guided and lead by many excellent superior/leaders and I guess I am capable to judge him in this case.Well, let's not go too deep about it, coz I guess he should have the self conscious and I am not in the position to tell anyone off. But, I do realized that if I continue to hide under my shell, I will not go that far and I may not reach my dream any time soon. It's really frustrating to have all this shits around me, what to do, GOD thinks I am superwoman.
My dream job: air stewardess/ model
my secondary permanent job: wedding planner/ bridal house/
current situation: non of the above!
See, to reach my secondary dream job I need to spark my career with fruitful experience and exposure. networking is a must. But in my position and enviroment I am nowhere near or close to my position given. I know I can't compare JB(in MNC) which falls the same batch(joined later than me) and same work field with me. But I truly envy on his path of success.... at least he is working on something and something that is seriously meeting ppl and not too conservative type. It's not just about government but community. I'm speechless for myself at the moment....
Have been good gurl for weeks. I know I can't go on with this lifestyle drinking, happy'ing... I mean I do njoy when I don't have to think about tomorrow and of course time pass faster... however, de lifestyle JC is moving is too ridiculous for me to catch up. Sometimes I even told her to mellow herself. I am concerned, honestly, bout her... you may say that I am conservative or whatever, but I just don't want them to suffer from sickness in future or scaring someone off... I wont deny that I did enjoy myself with them. They make me relieve my pains and allow me to see something different in life. I have more more more n more frens also.
Almost There
I went yum cha with JY, and on my way back bout 2.30am I have a sense that I need to be super duper extra careful or else something bad will happen it to me, and yes, my prediction was correct. While I was driving back on the main rain, I saw a bike at the side of the road (indian guy) and he saw I was alone. Then he started his bike... that was the time I keep looking at my back mirror. Immediately I off my headlights n turn to my house, park my car switch off the car. Then I stay in my car for few minutes just to ensure it's safe to get down... n then... I saw the bike with another fella (his fren, i guess) turning at the junction before my house and I could see they were looking around. I was a bit worried. The moment I saw them turning that junction I quickly get down from car (have my house key in hand ady) and rush into my house. Prob I am just paranoid, I don't know... mayb they live somewhere at that road... but no matter how, I think I should be careful since I am out late nite...
Double trip & extra broke
Coming May and July... I'll be going to same country but different city. Bangkok, HERE I COME.... with empty pocket!!!well...well....well... I am looking forward for my May trip coz my passport is expiring very soon (Dec). If I don't travel by now.. bye bye to my passport and wasted my RM500 for it. Yeah, stupid citizenship causes me so much trouble... even in applying passport. This is gonna be a budget trip coz I seriously do not have $ to go andspend like a queen there. But July is an unexpected trip, coz this is sponsored by my mom. I know... she wants me to go so I could keep an eye on my sis!! It's ok... I can have another trip to Khaosan! I guess by that time I only have less than 1k to spend. My Bkk trip budget is 1k only but sadly some of my frens still putting themselves on a priority list- it's not selfish just bout lifestyle matter. I expected a budget backpack style of trip but in the end, it became a normal travelling... it's ok...once in a life time!
Bringing myself on track
I get confirmed last 2week but I don't feel anything positive at all. In fact, I am opening my option to do what hope and wish to do. Even though I have suggested some of the possible changes to improve my job responsibility, however, I could forsee it is more like a hell burden than an opportunity. He is a nice fren(in person)but I can't give compliment over his leadership. I've been guided and lead by many excellent superior/leaders and I guess I am capable to judge him in this case.Well, let's not go too deep about it, coz I guess he should have the self conscious and I am not in the position to tell anyone off. But, I do realized that if I continue to hide under my shell, I will not go that far and I may not reach my dream any time soon. It's really frustrating to have all this shits around me, what to do, GOD thinks I am superwoman.
My dream job: air stewardess/ model
my secondary permanent job: wedding planner/ bridal house/
current situation: non of the above!
See, to reach my secondary dream job I need to spark my career with fruitful experience and exposure. networking is a must. But in my position and enviroment I am nowhere near or close to my position given. I know I can't compare JB(in MNC) which falls the same batch(joined later than me) and same work field with me. But I truly envy on his path of success.... at least he is working on something and something that is seriously meeting ppl and not too conservative type. It's not just about government but community. I'm speechless for myself at the moment....
Sunday, March 15, 2009
When the business is not MY BUSINESS
I wish the business I am talking here really makes money, but really not. This don't make money but using a lot of my efforts. At first, I really don't mind as long J finds her happiness and could have better livings. Days by days I see her miserable look... very upset and clueless with her living and this is when I really can't bare the worries as her frens. It doesn't mean that if she doesn't want to tell me anymore I will forget, NO, it is a frenship bonding and the worries comes naturally from heart. At this point, I really want to ask her "do you know what are you doing and who are you still?" but I know I should not interfear plus I know the other half. I supported at first but at certain things, I decided it's not worth coz I could see what's more further than this. I pray.....
When life is like catching butterflies
As same, my life has no changes and things are the same. I did not have the 2 offer and still stuck wit my current position. Looking at the current market crisis, I hold back. My life is just like catching butterflies- hopefully I could catch a rare butterfly one day!
Love life - sucks! At this point, I can't have a sense of loving but just working. and working is not working anywhere also. so, it's really bullshit!
Health Life - Got food poisoned and lied on bed for 3 consecutive days. It was terrible, especially the neausea. I never want it to happen again. Honestly, some people may think, how come a person who is not from wealthy family but stomach acts like one. Seriously, ask GOD! I may be a queen/princess for my past life! You never know....
Men life - after couple of months of expanding my freedom, men are realistic. Really reaslistic. What I am saying here are those wealthy and will only find for peacock faces and NOT chicken faces also. and those peacock...MY GOD, really think they r peacock and could fly! they never know one day... their feather will drop and old... and these men will still search for new ones. And formy type of low-mid range quality... to them, their treats to me are like " why are you still on earth, OR please NEVER, NEVER, NEVER... get close to ME!" This comes worst when the men thinks he is good looking, and as usual the friendly ELLICE approaches (AS FRENS) they think thousand of stupid things.... Sorry, I don't have such thick face to serve myself on a plate and for your pleasure!!
I wish the business I am talking here really makes money, but really not. This don't make money but using a lot of my efforts. At first, I really don't mind as long J finds her happiness and could have better livings. Days by days I see her miserable look... very upset and clueless with her living and this is when I really can't bare the worries as her frens. It doesn't mean that if she doesn't want to tell me anymore I will forget, NO, it is a frenship bonding and the worries comes naturally from heart. At this point, I really want to ask her "do you know what are you doing and who are you still?" but I know I should not interfear plus I know the other half. I supported at first but at certain things, I decided it's not worth coz I could see what's more further than this. I pray.....
When life is like catching butterflies
As same, my life has no changes and things are the same. I did not have the 2 offer and still stuck wit my current position. Looking at the current market crisis, I hold back. My life is just like catching butterflies- hopefully I could catch a rare butterfly one day!
Love life - sucks! At this point, I can't have a sense of loving but just working. and working is not working anywhere also. so, it's really bullshit!
Health Life - Got food poisoned and lied on bed for 3 consecutive days. It was terrible, especially the neausea. I never want it to happen again. Honestly, some people may think, how come a person who is not from wealthy family but stomach acts like one. Seriously, ask GOD! I may be a queen/princess for my past life! You never know....
Men life - after couple of months of expanding my freedom, men are realistic. Really reaslistic. What I am saying here are those wealthy and will only find for peacock faces and NOT chicken faces also. and those peacock...MY GOD, really think they r peacock and could fly! they never know one day... their feather will drop and old... and these men will still search for new ones. And formy type of low-mid range quality... to them, their treats to me are like " why are you still on earth, OR please NEVER, NEVER, NEVER... get close to ME!" This comes worst when the men thinks he is good looking, and as usual the friendly ELLICE approaches (AS FRENS) they think thousand of stupid things.... Sorry, I don't have such thick face to serve myself on a plate and for your pleasure!!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
18years
We knew each other from a common place called "old town" and we started our friendship through argument and fighting. We live like normal but the surrounding was not that monotone. Those were the days. We laugh, we cried, we shared, we cared, we believed, we hit on the same mistake, n the story goes on... n on... n on.... We even separated for many years till she was seriously down and I showed up again. I guess our friendship is destined. She looks like a glass of wine but the glass is filled with beer. She does not restrict her network of friends and she is not self-centered to share. She put a lot of trust on me with certain things and I am bless to have her in my life. She was there to lend me her shoulder when I did really cried for once after many years of shitty things happened. That is why one said: you could have many Friends in life but the fact when u needed someone the most, you only have a FRIEND.
what's my life then...?
I don't define myself as party animal cause I don't live like one. All these years I only club when I'm invited and my parents (specially my dad) take it as a big offense in life. He is always never happy when I go out late night coz my cousin's don't. They think my life is messed up if I go out late nite,including drinking-yum cha! Honestly, I am not the homely type and I tried before but it doesn't work out, cause I AM NOT! I promised my mom to behave until I fnish my education (secondary till Uni) then I can move on with my living style and now I am starting to do what I always wanted to do and yet they still feel not happy. seriously, it's really stressed up at certain time, when I have my own big thing to think and all I want is to have some friends beside me. Mom always brings comparison of her bosses with me or any relative. I seriously can't take it. Her comparison is not the ordinary one, but she will "insult".... I am not kicking my parents just think how can I go about coz too many ppl advised my parents yet they r not listening also. sigh.
Phuture with what Future?
Club is where people see the true colours of one another. So am I.... but the mnemonics of club is to party hard with stress free mind. That is what I am doing hard when I club. I am not keen if any guy will approach me n say "hi" or any potential I could find there. That doesn't mean that I wont meet guys there, it's just that this motive is not in my to-do-list. Phuture is the most recent club I went regularly. I won't deny that most potential "one night bachelor" are there. That is why chics think very hard of what to wear to surprise the night. At times, I do think also but not because I care whose eyes but myself. I am quite prefectionist in terms of self presentation. Though I am not excellent critieria to fit as pretty but I do the most to fit my own ISO criteria! I had alot of fun last nite.... it was great !Some are ok, some r emo, some are tipsy, some are numb... well, I am tipsy and happy! This is so far the happiest moment I should treausre. Thanks to a group of friends - JC, SK, JK, BL,JW, JY.
We knew each other from a common place called "old town" and we started our friendship through argument and fighting. We live like normal but the surrounding was not that monotone. Those were the days. We laugh, we cried, we shared, we cared, we believed, we hit on the same mistake, n the story goes on... n on... n on.... We even separated for many years till she was seriously down and I showed up again. I guess our friendship is destined. She looks like a glass of wine but the glass is filled with beer. She does not restrict her network of friends and she is not self-centered to share. She put a lot of trust on me with certain things and I am bless to have her in my life. She was there to lend me her shoulder when I did really cried for once after many years of shitty things happened. That is why one said: you could have many Friends in life but the fact when u needed someone the most, you only have a FRIEND.
what's my life then...?
I don't define myself as party animal cause I don't live like one. All these years I only club when I'm invited and my parents (specially my dad) take it as a big offense in life. He is always never happy when I go out late night coz my cousin's don't. They think my life is messed up if I go out late nite,including drinking-yum cha! Honestly, I am not the homely type and I tried before but it doesn't work out, cause I AM NOT! I promised my mom to behave until I fnish my education (secondary till Uni) then I can move on with my living style and now I am starting to do what I always wanted to do and yet they still feel not happy. seriously, it's really stressed up at certain time, when I have my own big thing to think and all I want is to have some friends beside me. Mom always brings comparison of her bosses with me or any relative. I seriously can't take it. Her comparison is not the ordinary one, but she will "insult".... I am not kicking my parents just think how can I go about coz too many ppl advised my parents yet they r not listening also. sigh.
Phuture with what Future?
Club is where people see the true colours of one another. So am I.... but the mnemonics of club is to party hard with stress free mind. That is what I am doing hard when I club. I am not keen if any guy will approach me n say "hi" or any potential I could find there. That doesn't mean that I wont meet guys there, it's just that this motive is not in my to-do-list. Phuture is the most recent club I went regularly. I won't deny that most potential "one night bachelor" are there. That is why chics think very hard of what to wear to surprise the night. At times, I do think also but not because I care whose eyes but myself. I am quite prefectionist in terms of self presentation. Though I am not excellent critieria to fit as pretty but I do the most to fit my own ISO criteria! I had alot of fun last nite.... it was great !Some are ok, some r emo, some are tipsy, some are numb... well, I am tipsy and happy! This is so far the happiest moment I should treausre. Thanks to a group of friends - JC, SK, JK, BL,JW, JY.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
1st time in history
My heart really tremble until now... I just experienced a robbery case from my neighbour's house. I was sleeping actually and then my dad was making some noise so I got up and realized that my aunt saw my neighbour's( Yap's family) maid was on the floor with all tied up and her eyes covered with cloths. I called the police (seriously my
(That's my dad!)
voice was shivering too!) and the police turn up in about 7min time. (slow huh?). Then my house suddenly became a showhouse, all passerby stopped and check out what was happening especially when 2 police car stop in front of my house.... honestly I feel unsecure now.
The Power of GOD!
few days back, I almost met an accident. yeah, very close one. But thank GOD I manage to escape from the tragedy but unlucky that my car behind was bang by another car behind and it ended up as a big accident there. I guess 4cars involved into this case. I drove away coz I was not involved. It was so early in the morning, driving on the fast lane (BUT NOT FAST) during peak hours and suddenly the car in front of me jam break in sudden and I manage to stop by swifting my car slightly to the left and the car behind swifted to right but it was unfortunate for the drive behind coz another car behind did not manage to stop! So.... it went Boom!bOom! Boom! ( I saw it with my eyes through back mirror!) I was traumatized a while....but I really want to thank GOD for saving my life....
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I have not been blogging for quite some time as work are getting meaningless and my life is so grey.
Life
CNY is over, yes I know! and... I am gaining weight. My body structure doesn't allow me to have little flesh else I look chubby! Well, I am now. I joined my buddy,JC, everywhere she goes, I find it is a good thing in life as I could strip off all shitty things in work. (Again, I stress this is MY BLOG!) I club and drink n sing n ....n... smoke? not often, just a stick when I am freezing at that place alone but I am out there almost every nite. Even my dad feedback on my late nite outings now. Well, put it this way, I am stressed of my life and with some ppl out there.... I can't be sitting at home n watch TV all the time. I think I have been obedient quite a long time n now I need some time for myself.
Pro Bono
My heart is always open for any charity work as long I could contribute to the needy. Recently I am up to a few charity work again but I feel I am not doing my part properly. I am quite irresponsible, I know, it's really very bad. As I said to some of my frens, I am mentally breaking down now. I need a break. Anything you ask me I will think "I dunno". Please don't ask me how come this could happen " I REALLY DON"T KNOW!"
Career
Lost! I don't even know what is my position and standing status now. All I know I am quite useless and working like a clerk. Agree or disagree, a communication people that doesn't have any opportunity to in-touch with the outer world, all I do is to LEARN how to communicate with the secretary and my computer (like it is an expectation of work!)
I clear my administrative work and ensuring that bloody intranet work which I have no freaking idea how to start when things were NOT taught at the VERY BEGINNING! I lost my capability bcoz "they" cut my capbility and strength. Honestly, till now I am demotivated! I shall move on... but quite dilemma at this point! I pray...pray very hard to figure it out...
Valentine
Nah... it's not my festive. I guess I'll just stay at home or go party. No expectations coz I can't think of it now. If it happen then it's a gift!
Life
CNY is over, yes I know! and... I am gaining weight. My body structure doesn't allow me to have little flesh else I look chubby! Well, I am now. I joined my buddy,JC, everywhere she goes, I find it is a good thing in life as I could strip off all shitty things in work. (Again, I stress this is MY BLOG!) I club and drink n sing n ....n... smoke? not often, just a stick when I am freezing at that place alone but I am out there almost every nite. Even my dad feedback on my late nite outings now. Well, put it this way, I am stressed of my life and with some ppl out there.... I can't be sitting at home n watch TV all the time. I think I have been obedient quite a long time n now I need some time for myself.
Pro Bono
My heart is always open for any charity work as long I could contribute to the needy. Recently I am up to a few charity work again but I feel I am not doing my part properly. I am quite irresponsible, I know, it's really very bad. As I said to some of my frens, I am mentally breaking down now. I need a break. Anything you ask me I will think "I dunno". Please don't ask me how come this could happen " I REALLY DON"T KNOW!"
Career
Lost! I don't even know what is my position and standing status now. All I know I am quite useless and working like a clerk. Agree or disagree, a communication people that doesn't have any opportunity to in-touch with the outer world, all I do is to LEARN how to communicate with the secretary and my computer (like it is an expectation of work!)
I clear my administrative work and ensuring that bloody intranet work which I have no freaking idea how to start when things were NOT taught at the VERY BEGINNING! I lost my capability bcoz "they" cut my capbility and strength. Honestly, till now I am demotivated! I shall move on... but quite dilemma at this point! I pray...pray very hard to figure it out...
Valentine
Nah... it's not my festive. I guess I'll just stay at home or go party. No expectations coz I can't think of it now. If it happen then it's a gift!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It's been a while that I know I've neglected my page here. I've been doing a lot of thinking even through my CNY. I was not having a relaxing one but more or less this CNY holiday makes a good rest.
The Internet Connectivity
Yeah, my hobby is back again with more good stories to share here. I've met few so-called bachelor themselves, some are real nice but some are horny. My posted picture on site were not the good one but yet I still receive msg from guy who willing to share their scope of frenship. I've met a guy who loves jazz, oldies and sentimental musics. Our 1st date was funny, we went for a hair cut together. We clicked like friends but v don't call each other just virtually clicked then. I've also met someone who are much more older- say 38? He's matured, not talkative, and very chinese man but not conservative. Last guy I met, a guy with all tattoo on his body- he's a chef and he's taken! I would say that this guy could flirt and trying to get a companion. Glad I was not the chosen one!
Believe should be "I" - in myself
I used to trust people rather than my parents. Forgive me, I lost my real parents very long ago and not to blame or to say that my foster parents are bad. It's just happen that they always query every single thing I do and will nag all the way long. I know...I know... for my own good but all I need its just a lil trust from them. Maybe I've depended myself all this while - the people I know- the knowledge I had - independence & capability ( I can't fully admit this cause they gave me what I am to be today). Hence, they took me . Mayb not for any granted but hoping that I could be ME. My parents are not educated and for this it causes some lack of knowledge in my life experience. One here, women beauty consider to be everything especially when I am searching man for certain standard. But as for now, I can't go far or to reach my dream because of my incapability to do so. I am not angry with anyone and I always try n try to seek ways that I could get what I want which is still not visible yet. I've been fooled and cheated or rejected because of my skin imperfection. I blame myself for not having such knowledge and when I see my beautiful friends being chased by "quality" man, I envy them. I asked, if i weren't having such problem, then this scene will also happen to me, right?" True by said " no one is perfect but I could improve myself to be perfect" Hopefully one day, one....day.... God will hear me and grant me this wish.
CNY Mood
Honestly, this year mood is close to ZERO. I don't have that anxious feeling to wait for the upcoming CNY. I applied a whole week of holiday cause I am going to S'pore. It seems like I am more happy to travel to s'pore than celebrating CNY. Somehow, it took few seconds of my time that all my dept faces came knocking in my mind. Hell yeah... that sucks! No offend, its just that... it's holiday man!!! No work issue here!!! When these faces gave a glimpse, my mood sinked! I guess, ppl know me they know why.
Hidden secret revealed!
I knw this guy through my cousin and we met in 2008 in a club. We party wild for all nite long and we became friends. Later that he went after me but I don't see him as for my future. I have to admit that I do have some knowledge on man ( meeting too many jerks in life) and he is a "kind" too. As usual he called and he chat and flirt. One reason I have to admit that he's my cousin's friend and when that guy is a typical person, I need to pull back some trust from him and my instinct were true. He flirt with me while flirting with others, he treated me like a high school girl and today..... the hot news revealed. It was so happen that I was having lunch with my cousin and then he accidently shared that this fella is having another so-called affair. He always ended up heating friendship a for FEMALE. Sad to say, this girl is also a scandal & I shouldn't be knowing all this but too bad... too late! Of course, I need to pretend dumb as usual to see how far he would fool me! Glad that I've never given a chance to consider bout him....
The Internet Connectivity
Yeah, my hobby is back again with more good stories to share here. I've met few so-called bachelor themselves, some are real nice but some are horny. My posted picture on site were not the good one but yet I still receive msg from guy who willing to share their scope of frenship. I've met a guy who loves jazz, oldies and sentimental musics. Our 1st date was funny, we went for a hair cut together. We clicked like friends but v don't call each other just virtually clicked then. I've also met someone who are much more older- say 38? He's matured, not talkative, and very chinese man but not conservative. Last guy I met, a guy with all tattoo on his body- he's a chef and he's taken! I would say that this guy could flirt and trying to get a companion. Glad I was not the chosen one!
Believe should be "I" - in myself
I used to trust people rather than my parents. Forgive me, I lost my real parents very long ago and not to blame or to say that my foster parents are bad. It's just happen that they always query every single thing I do and will nag all the way long. I know...I know... for my own good but all I need its just a lil trust from them. Maybe I've depended myself all this while - the people I know- the knowledge I had - independence & capability ( I can't fully admit this cause they gave me what I am to be today). Hence, they took me . Mayb not for any granted but hoping that I could be ME. My parents are not educated and for this it causes some lack of knowledge in my life experience. One here, women beauty consider to be everything especially when I am searching man for certain standard. But as for now, I can't go far or to reach my dream because of my incapability to do so. I am not angry with anyone and I always try n try to seek ways that I could get what I want which is still not visible yet. I've been fooled and cheated or rejected because of my skin imperfection. I blame myself for not having such knowledge and when I see my beautiful friends being chased by "quality" man, I envy them. I asked, if i weren't having such problem, then this scene will also happen to me, right?" True by said " no one is perfect but I could improve myself to be perfect" Hopefully one day, one....day.... God will hear me and grant me this wish.
CNY Mood
Honestly, this year mood is close to ZERO. I don't have that anxious feeling to wait for the upcoming CNY. I applied a whole week of holiday cause I am going to S'pore. It seems like I am more happy to travel to s'pore than celebrating CNY. Somehow, it took few seconds of my time that all my dept faces came knocking in my mind. Hell yeah... that sucks! No offend, its just that... it's holiday man!!! No work issue here!!! When these faces gave a glimpse, my mood sinked! I guess, ppl know me they know why.
Hidden secret revealed!
I knw this guy through my cousin and we met in 2008 in a club. We party wild for all nite long and we became friends. Later that he went after me but I don't see him as for my future. I have to admit that I do have some knowledge on man ( meeting too many jerks in life) and he is a "kind" too. As usual he called and he chat and flirt. One reason I have to admit that he's my cousin's friend and when that guy is a typical person, I need to pull back some trust from him and my instinct were true. He flirt with me while flirting with others, he treated me like a high school girl and today..... the hot news revealed. It was so happen that I was having lunch with my cousin and then he accidently shared that this fella is having another so-called affair. He always ended up heating friendship a for FEMALE. Sad to say, this girl is also a scandal & I shouldn't be knowing all this but too bad... too late! Of course, I need to pretend dumb as usual to see how far he would fool me! Glad that I've never given a chance to consider bout him....
Saturday, January 10, 2009
YOGA
Tough.... damn tough!!! attended my 1st session of "real" yoga, and no kidding... I felt like I've sent myself to a 1st day ballet class! It was sad to see everyone's hand touching the floor and mine was just hanging half way...I felt old n bone also gone hard - need Anlene! Almost every move i was hanging there, the funniest one were push my ass up and chest down, I ended up whole body sleeping on the floor! It took me a while to do the so called "snake" style.... I almost giving up when things get harder n shivering but another thought of it I should stay because my health is getting worst... just like my singse said, and if my condition getting no improvement... very bad effect in future! So... Namaste!
Position Or Income
I was wondering at one morning, if someone offer me a position of managerial level with the market rate salary - will I leave? or prob I hang with exec level but I have high salary but of course not yet managerial salary yet (got potential to get higher later). i asked around too and everyone said that they rather are not bothered with the title as long the money become thicker! But I do have fren that will look into position title. hmmm... I guess at this point with the economic politic, everyone's forehead is crafted with MONEY! SHow...Me DA MoNeeEeeY! No matter what n how... one must be sure what comes the best for themselves and should bear what decided. ( only ppl who encounter something in mind will understand what I'm trying to say here)
Tough.... damn tough!!! attended my 1st session of "real" yoga, and no kidding... I felt like I've sent myself to a 1st day ballet class! It was sad to see everyone's hand touching the floor and mine was just hanging half way...I felt old n bone also gone hard - need Anlene! Almost every move i was hanging there, the funniest one were push my ass up and chest down, I ended up whole body sleeping on the floor! It took me a while to do the so called "snake" style.... I almost giving up when things get harder n shivering but another thought of it I should stay because my health is getting worst... just like my singse said, and if my condition getting no improvement... very bad effect in future! So... Namaste!
Position Or Income
I was wondering at one morning, if someone offer me a position of managerial level with the market rate salary - will I leave? or prob I hang with exec level but I have high salary but of course not yet managerial salary yet (got potential to get higher later). i asked around too and everyone said that they rather are not bothered with the title as long the money become thicker! But I do have fren that will look into position title. hmmm... I guess at this point with the economic politic, everyone's forehead is crafted with MONEY! SHow...Me DA MoNeeEeeY! No matter what n how... one must be sure what comes the best for themselves and should bear what decided. ( only ppl who encounter something in mind will understand what I'm trying to say here)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Materialistic
Some guys like to ask "what kind of man do you like" "what kind of bf would you prefer"? Well, it depends when does this question throw to me. If you ask during my high school time, ho..ho! my answer is "no need too rich one" "honest" loyal" "loving""matured""sporting". Yes, that used to be my answer but as for now, my answer is simple! Fulfill the 5Cs!ha ha! Usually after my answer, the moderate income man-driving local cars would say "sigh, you are just like any other MATERIALISTIC WOMAN out there!" Hey, I am just an ordinary human seek to fulfill what I want and the suppose needs. I understand when men give such reaction, I came from girl's school and I have seen many kind of girls around me... from so called pure little angels (ha ha, angel of transformer!) to drama queen.But I do have some frens who are really sincere to their relationship.
Ok, back to my 5Cs. Honestly, my answer are shouted out to the moderate level because I do not see myself going into the glamorous world living in luxurious life.
Hmmmm....Let me share my philosophy with you, "Having a man in life is a companion, having a good man in life is a gift" . This is what I could explain about my second sentence in this paragraph. So, listen to me....
CAREER - I don't think the guy would have guts to chase a gurl without this criteria!
CAR -which fella don't own a car now? I mean majiority!
CASH - When you work, you have cash (the figure depends on what kind of gurl you r chasing after)
CREDIT CARD - Pls, even Ah Long also own Credit Card!
CONDOMINIUM - Well, probably he doesn't own this but bungalow or terrace :p
So, simple as that. Mine is basic. But I guess what scare our poor little man are the figure that girls expecting them to "contribute" in any hinting manner. And of course, I won't deny that man are also good in calculating such as the benefit of this investment and so on... Sometimes it is the biological connection that link up the couples together but some are just chemistry responese and some are just dumb and blind! Me? I'm bad at chemistry but it works in my relationship but I have to admit my biology is much better!
Some guys like to ask "what kind of man do you like" "what kind of bf would you prefer"? Well, it depends when does this question throw to me. If you ask during my high school time, ho..ho! my answer is "no need too rich one" "honest" loyal" "loving""matured""sporting". Yes, that used to be my answer but as for now, my answer is simple! Fulfill the 5Cs!ha ha! Usually after my answer, the moderate income man-driving local cars would say "sigh, you are just like any other MATERIALISTIC WOMAN out there!" Hey, I am just an ordinary human seek to fulfill what I want and the suppose needs. I understand when men give such reaction, I came from girl's school and I have seen many kind of girls around me... from so called pure little angels (ha ha, angel of transformer!) to drama queen.But I do have some frens who are really sincere to their relationship.
Ok, back to my 5Cs. Honestly, my answer are shouted out to the moderate level because I do not see myself going into the glamorous world living in luxurious life.
Hmmmm....Let me share my philosophy with you, "Having a man in life is a companion, having a good man in life is a gift" . This is what I could explain about my second sentence in this paragraph. So, listen to me....
CAREER - I don't think the guy would have guts to chase a gurl without this criteria!
CAR -which fella don't own a car now? I mean majiority!
CASH - When you work, you have cash (the figure depends on what kind of gurl you r chasing after)
CREDIT CARD - Pls, even Ah Long also own Credit Card!
CONDOMINIUM - Well, probably he doesn't own this but bungalow or terrace :p
So, simple as that. Mine is basic. But I guess what scare our poor little man are the figure that girls expecting them to "contribute" in any hinting manner. And of course, I won't deny that man are also good in calculating such as the benefit of this investment and so on... Sometimes it is the biological connection that link up the couples together but some are just chemistry responese and some are just dumb and blind! Me? I'm bad at chemistry but it works in my relationship but I have to admit my biology is much better!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Over spent
I have to admit that I am bad at math and for that reason I am bad at savings. Everytime when I have extra I will still spend it off. Like this month, I over spent plus owing... every time at this moment I will have guilty conscious but after next month salary..."what happen ar"?
Well, starting this year it is gonna be difficult. My student's mom (my auntie) just called to inform that her daughter schedule is too tight for BM tuition (just started with std 4). so there lost my side income. actually that side income does help a lot. But I wont blame her also, she has the right.Blaming myself for not having a good plan. That's why in 2009, I must do smthg... well, put this a bet. By end of 2009 I must have at least min 1k !
I have to admit that I am bad at math and for that reason I am bad at savings. Everytime when I have extra I will still spend it off. Like this month, I over spent plus owing... every time at this moment I will have guilty conscious but after next month salary..."what happen ar"?
Well, starting this year it is gonna be difficult. My student's mom (my auntie) just called to inform that her daughter schedule is too tight for BM tuition (just started with std 4). so there lost my side income. actually that side income does help a lot. But I wont blame her also, she has the right.Blaming myself for not having a good plan. That's why in 2009, I must do smthg... well, put this a bet. By end of 2009 I must have at least min 1k !
Saturday, January 3, 2009
What was my past life?
Ever wonder what was your past life? This topic actually struck few times in my mind but was not bothered to find out until yesterday. Browsed through internet and also registered basic details in some "guru's" website. Well, let see if they reply....
3 weeks like 3 months
Yeah, CNY is around the corner...a lot to prepare, to clean, and to plan. But as for my family culture, we will be at Gohtong Jaya Apartment every year. Basically we eat, sleep and chill! oh well, I am actually not anxious bout the festive, it's my pocket!! I only have RM250 balance for this month! WTF! I guess I must start believeing in Feng Shui. Honestly, my "frozen bonus" does make me so upset.... especially when my parents don't know about this and keep asking if I got my share... damn!
Internet Culture
How many of us used to meet our internet frens after a few chat? Well, I do. I also have some friends who developed their relationship after meeting and finally happily married! Dun laugh, cause every couple get together through some connectivity. You don't start a relationship without the root. But my case, its always the sad one. I guess some guys got the wrong meaning of meeting internet frens as they bring some expectations when meeting a gurl. Like me, before meeting (jst looking at the picture) he would call you day and night like I am his cinderella. And when after 1st meeting that will also will be the LAST! Some are jerks, they woo agurl because they r lonely(boring to F the same bloody gf), and when they get what they want they will leave OR when you don't let anything to happen - SAYONARA! I encountered one funnier, everytime he chat, it's all about sex (I skipped all his stupid Q's)and when we go yum cha he will suggest spending a nite in hotel. All he knows is just flirting and fucking. PLUS....jeng!jeng!jeng! HE IS NOT HANDSOME N FAT but Family got "rice a bit" - NOT HIM! oh well, guys always think woman are stupid or rather weak no matter how smart or successful. I agree, why? Well, look at the way women do shopping compared to man (not including homosexual).
Somehow, throghout these year I have accumulated variety of experience from men. So, if I am meeting a net friend I could easily know the habitat of these creature. "Speak less doesn't mean stupid and being frenly doesn't mean sexually open type" - at least NOT ME!
Ever wonder what was your past life? This topic actually struck few times in my mind but was not bothered to find out until yesterday. Browsed through internet and also registered basic details in some "guru's" website. Well, let see if they reply....
3 weeks like 3 months
Yeah, CNY is around the corner...a lot to prepare, to clean, and to plan. But as for my family culture, we will be at Gohtong Jaya Apartment every year. Basically we eat, sleep and chill! oh well, I am actually not anxious bout the festive, it's my pocket!! I only have RM250 balance for this month! WTF! I guess I must start believeing in Feng Shui. Honestly, my "frozen bonus" does make me so upset.... especially when my parents don't know about this and keep asking if I got my share... damn!
Internet Culture
How many of us used to meet our internet frens after a few chat? Well, I do. I also have some friends who developed their relationship after meeting and finally happily married! Dun laugh, cause every couple get together through some connectivity. You don't start a relationship without the root. But my case, its always the sad one. I guess some guys got the wrong meaning of meeting internet frens as they bring some expectations when meeting a gurl. Like me, before meeting (jst looking at the picture) he would call you day and night like I am his cinderella. And when after 1st meeting that will also will be the LAST! Some are jerks, they woo agurl because they r lonely(boring to F the same bloody gf), and when they get what they want they will leave OR when you don't let anything to happen - SAYONARA! I encountered one funnier, everytime he chat, it's all about sex (I skipped all his stupid Q's)and when we go yum cha he will suggest spending a nite in hotel. All he knows is just flirting and fucking. PLUS....jeng!jeng!jeng! HE IS NOT HANDSOME N FAT but Family got "rice a bit" - NOT HIM! oh well, guys always think woman are stupid or rather weak no matter how smart or successful. I agree, why? Well, look at the way women do shopping compared to man (not including homosexual).
Somehow, throghout these year I have accumulated variety of experience from men. So, if I am meeting a net friend I could easily know the habitat of these creature. "Speak less doesn't mean stupid and being frenly doesn't mean sexually open type" - at least NOT ME!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Beginning of 2009
2009
a year where you step ahead without looking back
a year where things hopefully could be better
a hope of last year's bad door keep don't keep knocking in mind
a pray for transformation...
wish to obtain what was orally said but not done...
and... that is why GOD still spare me a chance of living here!
A short trip of 2008
In the year 2005, I was lost and I pray n pray that I could be a student again,
then someone told me, I must always believe in what I wan to do, and believe that I could do it. That piece of paper change my life. two-n-half year mediated and conscious of what wasted behind. Love is no more what I have crazily chased after, friends are countless but true friends are countable and it's only happen to be single digit. Family became warm in heart though there are times I felt like a stranger but I was supported along my way and now I clearly do care what I call it "future".
Somehow, life could never be perfect like fairy tale stories. In this year, I also live with a group of bachelors who I clearly see different characters and whether they are sincere or not. I also met someone that I do care and hope he could see me for his future but stairs are too high for me to climb and sit the same level with him. On the other hand, someone who appears in my life... I can't put much word but only "wait". Time is just too slow.....I wish I could fast forward everything in life and pause when I am tired. There are also time where some uncivilized man came into my life. Never a thief admit he is bad, same goes to playboy, player & married man!
As journey moved towards year end, that is when I had my true life.... really tired, really difficult, really giving up.... at that point, I wish I could stay away from anyone else to take some fresh air but again financial problem is what i encountered all the time. Until now, I can't see any good turnover. That is why I am glad that 2008 is finally over! A was a bad year and hopefully I see some shinning stars in 2009.
On my eve nite, I went to church... for thanks giving nite. The place was good and as I followed along the music, I recall what I have lost all these while.... I don't know if I am still in father's arm or HE has punished me. No matter what, I shall seek for my soul and to believe that Father Lord is always by my side to shelter me when dark clouds and thunderstorm with rain hit on me.... Thanks Kat!
a year where you step ahead without looking back
a year where things hopefully could be better
a hope of last year's bad door keep don't keep knocking in mind
a pray for transformation...
wish to obtain what was orally said but not done...
and... that is why GOD still spare me a chance of living here!
A short trip of 2008
In the year 2005, I was lost and I pray n pray that I could be a student again,
then someone told me, I must always believe in what I wan to do, and believe that I could do it. That piece of paper change my life. two-n-half year mediated and conscious of what wasted behind. Love is no more what I have crazily chased after, friends are countless but true friends are countable and it's only happen to be single digit. Family became warm in heart though there are times I felt like a stranger but I was supported along my way and now I clearly do care what I call it "future".
Somehow, life could never be perfect like fairy tale stories. In this year, I also live with a group of bachelors who I clearly see different characters and whether they are sincere or not. I also met someone that I do care and hope he could see me for his future but stairs are too high for me to climb and sit the same level with him. On the other hand, someone who appears in my life... I can't put much word but only "wait". Time is just too slow.....I wish I could fast forward everything in life and pause when I am tired. There are also time where some uncivilized man came into my life. Never a thief admit he is bad, same goes to playboy, player & married man!
As journey moved towards year end, that is when I had my true life.... really tired, really difficult, really giving up.... at that point, I wish I could stay away from anyone else to take some fresh air but again financial problem is what i encountered all the time. Until now, I can't see any good turnover. That is why I am glad that 2008 is finally over! A was a bad year and hopefully I see some shinning stars in 2009.
On my eve nite, I went to church... for thanks giving nite. The place was good and as I followed along the music, I recall what I have lost all these while.... I don't know if I am still in father's arm or HE has punished me. No matter what, I shall seek for my soul and to believe that Father Lord is always by my side to shelter me when dark clouds and thunderstorm with rain hit on me.... Thanks Kat!
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